Hello I would like to share with you the story of my lil boy who was
stillborn at Full Term just over 3 years ago!


Mikey's Life Story.It all started in July 2002 our first month of
trying for our first beautiful bundle of joy!!! With names picked
out for 5 months we were ready to conceive our first child!!!
Michael Allen if our baby is a boy and Cassandra Marie if our baby
was a girl. Allen being Craig's middle name and Marie being my
middle name.

August 12, 2002 I took my first pregnancy test. I wasn't due for my
period until August 14 which was my 24th birthday but I was planning
on partying on my birthday if I wasn't pregnant so I took a test to
see if I was or no;.Negative. I wasn't pregnant so I partied..I
hadn't told Craig I was taking a test because I didn't want to let
him down if I wasn't pregnant.

My birthday came and gone with no signs of a period but I didn't
think to much of it. I had just quit my job to start a at home
daycare so when I did have a baby in my arms I could stay home with
him or her. I put up some signs in the grocery stores and I got a
couple calls. I had 1 little girl who I was going to start watching
on August 19. August 18 Craig and I were at the grocery store and I
walked past the pregnancy tests and I told him lets pick 1 up and
just see if I am pregnant;I was 4 days late. So we paid for our
groceries and went home. We put everything away and by that time I
had to go potty;so I grabbed the test and went on my way. I let the
test sit for a couple of min and looked at it and saw a very faint
pink line. I didn't really know what to think so I brought the test
in to Craig and let him look at it and ask what he thought. He
said "I think you're pregnant"!!! We got soooo excited!!!

The next couple of days I got a total of 8 tests and took them all
because I really didn't believe that I was really pregnant;they ALL
came up positive!!! I remember walking around for weeks in total
shock that I was pregnant and I was going to be a MOMMY!!! Craig was
ecstatic and told EVERYONE!!! Unfortunately 2 days after I found out
I was pregnant Craig lost his job!!! That was the beginning of our
bad luck until December 16, 2004!!!

Since I wasn't working I had no insurance so I went on Medicaid. I
then asked my Mom to find out who the best doctors were at St
Joseph's Hospital of Kirkwood. Couple days later she called me back
and told me she heard that Dr. ----was one of the best doctors at
St. Joes. I called and made a appointment with him for my first
prenatal appointment. This was the beginning of the end!!! If I had
any idea what laid ahead of us with this man I would have turned and
ran from him but I couldn't see the future and no one else could so
I happily went to my first appointment.

By the pregnancy websites I was due on April 23, 2003 by my doctor I
was due on April 27, 2003. I continued on blissfully happy awaiting
the arrival of my first bundle of joy. I read all the pregnancy
books!!! I knew in my heart that he was a BOY and told everyone to
call him MIKEY!!! Michael Allen was only to be used when he was in
trouble;which I day dreamed would be a lot because most of the
Michaels I know are trouble!!!

October 2002 we got a glimpse at our sweet baby (at the time we
still didn't know if he was a he or a she). Staring at the screen in
shock there was our baby upsided down jumping all around waving its
lil arms all around!!! It was soooo amazing!!! We fell in love with
our sweet baby instantly staring at him on the screen!!! It was as
if he was yelling " MOMMY DADDY HERE I AM;I AM RIGHT HERE!!!" We
just stared at him in awe!!! I think that was the first time we ever
heard his heart beat too and again we were in awe and totally in
love with our lil baby growing in my tummy!!! After that day in
October we got to listen to his heartbeat every time we went to the
doctor. We NEVER had a problem finding him either. The nurse just
had to put the Doppler on my tummy and there he was;heart beating
away at 150-160 beats per minute. We were always in total amazement
listening to the little person in my tummy whom we had created!!!

The months came and gone and the pounds added up. Then December 4,
2002 we found out that we were indeed having a beautiful baby BOY!!!
Craig was sooo excited and so happy!!! My parents worked at the
hospital where I was going to have Mikey and they still were totally
convinced he was a he and not a she. On many occasions my parents
had Daddys running down to the gift shop to buy something pink or
blue because the doctors had told him it was going to be the
opposite sex then what it actually was!!! My dad liked to call him
Michelle and then I would yell at him "NO ITS MIKEY!!!"
The days and weeks passed us by and we LOVED every minute of it!!!
So far we had the "Perfect" pregnancy!!! We always looked forward to
every kick and every wiggle he gave us!!! My parents even got to
feel him kick a couple times and they were so excited!!! This was to
be there 3rd Grandbaby. Mikey had 2 big cousins on my side Justin 5
and Tyler 2 and 2 big cousins on Daddys side Zacky also 5 and Amber
4.

The 7 month checkup came and our "Dr" walks in and says " Oh you
were suppose to go get checked for Gestional Diabetes the last time
we were here but I forgot to send you you will have to go now". That
rang a red light in my head BUT I brushed it off and told myself he
is only human it was just a "Mistake". That was the start of many
mistakes from him. His nurse told me all I could eat was a Orange
for breakfast the day of the test. So that's all I ate was a Orange.
I go to the lab and they asked if I ate anything yet that morning
and I said "Yes I ate a Orange the nurse at my Dr's office said I
could" BUT the truth was I was suppose to fast from midnight on to
the morning of the test;I wasn't suppose to eat ANYTHING!!! I got
very upset by this because for 1. the nurse now made a "MISTAKE" and
2. I was pregnant and when I got hungry I had to eat something or I
would get sick to my stomach. We left and came back the next day to
take the test. The doctors nurse called couple days later and told
me I had failed the 1 hour test and I had to go back for the 3 hour
test. So I did!!!

I went in for my 32 week check up and found out that I had failed
the 3 hour test too and I DID have gestional diabetes. My "Doctor"
told us "Its no BIG DEAL just watch what you eat its to late to do
anything about it". I thought that was a little strange because my
mom is a diabetic and it's a big deal to her so why wouldn't it be a
big deal to a pregnant lady??? But then again I told myself "He is
the DOCTOR and he knows BEST he wouldn't do anything that could hurt
me or my child"

33, 34, 35 weeks all flew by. 36 weeks came and the doctor checked
me for the first time to see if I had dialated yet and I was
dialated to 2cm but not effaced or was my cervix soft yet. A little
into my 36 week I was really feeling some back labor Braxton hicks.
My back and butt was hurting so bad I was balling my eyes out. My
mom told me to call the doctor and see if he thought I should go in.
I got the on call doctor and he told me it was just Braxton hicks
but if it made me feel better I was more then welcome to go into the
hospital. I really wanted to go to the hospital so off we went. My
parents and Craig and I all went to the hospital. They checked me
and I was still only 2 cm dialated and having contractions anywhere
from 1 min to 5 or 6 min apart. So they monitored me a lil bit
longer and sent me home. Craig and I asked if they could just induce
me and they said no because its not there policy to induce before 37
weeks which is considered Full Term. She did tell us Mikey
looked "Perfect" in there!!! We were elated and just looked forward
to the day we got to hold our little Man!!! We went home;on our way
out I was having contractions so bad I was holding Craig's hand and
almost had him on the ground squeezing his hand so tight. I was half
tempted to just turn around and tell them "NO TAKE THIS BABY NOW!!!"
But I didn't because that's not there "POLICY" and I didn't really
think they would do anything for me. That was a BIG MISTAKE on my
side;Had I gone back maybe they would have done something for me and
maybe they would have taken him but I can play the what if's forever
that wont change anything.

Week 37 my mom went to the check up with us. She sat in the waiting
room while we went in the office. He checked me for strep b and
checked my sugars;negative for strep b and he said my sugars looked
good. When we got in the car my mom said one of the girls in the
waiting room was having contractions really bad. I figured he would
induce her that week but when we went for our 38 week check up she
was still in there when we came out. Great I thought this guy
doesn't believe in inducing. I figured at 38 weeks he would say he
was going to induce me because he knew the baby was getting big
especially since I had gestional diabetes. But of course he didn't.
He just told me everything was looking good. At the 7 month check up
the dr had told us he was getting BIG so if at 7 months he was
getting BIG already wouldn't really be getting big at 9 months??? I
couldn't understand why he didn't induce me with all this in mind.

Saturday April 19th the day before Easter;I kinda had a feeling in
my tummy that something was wrong with Mikey. I felt him move but
not a lot but I just figured it was because I was 39 weeks and all
the books on pregnancy that I had read said I would feel less
movement as I got into my last month. My mom was upstairs making
food for Easter and I was helping her. I told her how I didn't feel
Mikey moving to much lately and told her how the books said I would
feel less movement once I got into my last month. She told me to
tell the dr when I went next which would be Monday.

Sunday April 20th, 2003 Easter Sunday;39 Weeks exactly;This was the
day I really was hoping Mikey would come to me. My family always bet
on which day they thought the babies would come on and this was the
day my Dad had picked. My siblings and nephews came over for Easter.
I was sooo happy to know that my baby boy would be with us for the
next holiday. We were all growing more and more excited about
meeting the little man in my tummy. I remember again my dad calling
him Michelle (in a joking way) and me yelling "NO HIS NAME IS MIKEY
NOT MICHELLE"!!! My brother had borrowed a Easter Bunny suit from
his work and dressed up as the Easter Bunny and came to visit my two
nephews. I got my picture taken with him as the Bunny with Mikey
sticking out of my tummy and my two nephews. It was a wonderful
day!!! Very peaceful!!!

39 weeks was the beginning of the end!!! April 21st at 39 weeks and
1 day we found out the most devasting news of our lives!!! We went
into our appointment expecting to be dialated a lot more and hoping
to be on our way to the hospital soon to have our baby. Instead we
learned that our sweet baby boy had already left us and went on his
way to Heaven without even meeting his Mommy and Daddy!!! The nurse
had started trying to listen to his heartbeat and found NOTHING!!!
She tried for a while which was odd because they could always find
his heart beat. She left the room and I told Craig that everything
would be ok Mikey was just being a lil trouble maker. She sent the
doctor in he checked me for dialation and I had dialated 1 more cm.
He started trying to listen for his heartbeat and again found
NOTHING!!! We went to the U/S room and he looked on the U/S and
confirmed our worst fears!!! Mikey had already died!!! He said "I am
so sorry something happened to the baby" I remember shaking my head
and the tears just came streaming down my face. I was in total shock
and Craig was in total shock. We couldn't really say much because we
were just in total shock!!! The nurse asked if she wanted us to call
anyone and I told her NO. The dr had given us 2 options 1. go to the
hospital then and induce or 2. go home and come back in the morning.
We wanted to go tell our families so we said we would go to the
hospital in the morning. I remember the drive home we just shook our
heads in shock saying "NO this isn't happening". We were living with
my parents at the time and we walked in the door tears streaming
down our face. My parents were sitting in the living room and they
jumped up asking what was wrong;All I could say was "My baby
died!!!" They ran to us hugging us balling themselves!!! They called
my brothers and sister and they all came over to see us. They called
all my aunts and uncles and friends. I remember Craig calling his
mom and his Mom screaming "OH NO" in the phone!!!

Craig and I went to bed not to long after our family came over. I
have no idea how but some how we fell asleep. Woke up early in the
morning to get in the bath. I remember sitting in the tub telling
myself I wasn't going to go to the hospital;Mikey is going to stay
with us forever I am NOT giving him up!!! But I just knew that
wasn't possible so I got out. My mom told us it was time to go. I
delayed as long as I could and finally we left. Our Doctor was
walking out of labor and delivery as we walked in. He said he was
waiting for us but had to go to his office now. When we got to the
desk in labor and delivery there stood a lady whom we did not know
at the time but she was to be our Angel on Earth. Her name was
Eileen and she was the sweetest most wonderful nurse we ever had!!!
She hugged me as I walked in and told me she was so sorry that I had
lost my baby but she would be here for us in any way we needed her.
We went to our room and I changed. Then the house doctor came in and
talked to us. Craig asked if there was any way that the doctor could
have made a "Mistake" and could our baby actually be alive. He said
he did not think so but he would check on the U/S machine. But
unfortunately he was indeed gone.

I honestly don't remember to much after all that. I remember them
putting the iv in my arm and I was hysterical, my bestfriend Melissa
who stayed there with us the whole entire time I was in labor, held
my hand while they put in the IV. I had NEVER had a IV put in my
hand before so I was really upset about it. They finally got it in
and started the picotin (sorry not sure how to spell that word LOL).
I was in a lot of pain so they put a epidural in me too. I remember
crying a lot and being soooo sad. Suddenly I asked what time it was
and it was 1am;I was in shock. I couldn't believe time had flown
that fast. I remember them giving me some sleeping pills and I fell
asleep for a while. When I woke up the dr told me he was going to
have to do a
C-section because I had only dialated 3 cm in like 21 hours of
labor. They had put a lot of drugs in me to make me go into labor
but none of it really worked. When he told me I had to have a C-
section I got really upset because they wouldn't let Craig and my
Mom come into the ring with me. I balled and balled. They tried to
put another epidural in me but it didn't work right. So they had to
knock me out.

They wheeled me into surgery. They let my mom and Craig come in only
for a little while until I passed out and then they had to leave the
room. I remember waking up once and I heard one of the doctors or
nurses whomever say that his Mom had gone thru this with twins. Not
really sure who or what he was talking about. But I told myself to
quickly go back to sleep and I did!!!

The next thing I remember I woke up in recovery. No one was there
but two nurses. They told me Mikey was just beautiful 8lbs 15oz and
22in long. Dark brown hair on top of his head. I actually thought
for a min that he was still alive with the way they were talking.
They asked if I wanted my family back in the room and I said yes.
They had Craig come in first and asked if we wanted to see Mikey by
ourselves for the first time and we both said YES. They told us
first that his skin was all burised up from being stillborn and
being in the birth canal for so long. They finally brought him to us;
He was sooo PERFECT in every way!!! Just BEAUTIFUL!!! Looked just
like Craig with big forearms like him and big feet like me. We held
him for awhile by ourselves and then told them to bring in everyone
else. My parents, Craig's Mom (his dad was in the hospital at the
time), my two brothers, my sister and our friend Melissa all were
there. Everyone held him and told him how much he is loved. We all
took our pictures with him. Then they wheeled him away forever!!!
How sad it was!!! Everyone left for a while to let Craig and I be
alone.

We stayed there as long as we could. The doctor came to see us
everyday to check my incision. It healed nicely. They had done a
autopsy on Mikey and said there was a infection in the plactena and
they grew ecoli in the amino fluid. He kinda made it sound like that
was how he died but later we found out that isn't really why he died;
I will get into all that later on!!!

We stayed at the hospital until Sunday April 27 which was his due
date. We were so scared to go home to reality and a empty nursery!!!
Sadie our dog who we missed terribly was so happy to finally see her
Mommy and Daddy again.

Monday April 28, 2003;Was Mikey's funeral!!! I cried in the morning
when I got up but held it up pretty good for the most part. Our
family was all there when we got there. The funeral guy with Mikey
wasn't there yet though;Great I thought where is my baby. Then he
pulled up;I was expecting the coffin to look like a normal adult
size coffin but he walked up with a little white coffin the size of
a baby. I lost it!!! I was hysterical!!! The priest talked then he
read a letter my older brother had written for his nephew. Here is
the letter;

To my buddy Mikey:

Mikey, your life was taken before it began, I do not know the reason
for this but I have faith that the Lord has a greater plan for you.
We will never get the chance to play ball, or cars or to watch the
cardinals together with Grandpa, I feel as though we have been
robbed of a lifetime of memories. I never had the opportunity to
make you smile or laugh or to teach you some of the fun thats that
your cousins Justin and Tyler share with me. You are so loved Mikey
and your family had great plans for your life.... you could have
been anything you wanted to be in life, but instead God has plans
for you as an ANGEL looking over your family. We are so proud of
you. Even though you took no breaths Michael Allen, you have a name
and a birthday and a history here on Earth. I will always remember
you buddy, that is my promise to you. Everytime I hear a bird sing,
I will think of you.... every sunrise and sunset, everytime I hear
you cousins laugh I will think of you Mikey. Every customer that
walks into NBG will that there is now a ANGEL in the family. When
someone sees your picture and asks who that is, I will tell them
that is my buddy Mikey. You have touched our lives forever Mikey. As
we lay you down to rest Great Grandma and Great Grandpa will look
out for you....and remember someday we will meet again,

Love,
Uncle Wayne

After he read the letter we all said Goodbye to Mikey. I got up and
gave everyone hugs and left tears on every single shoulder. Then we
all left;that was it;Mikey came and gone from our lives in a matter
of a week!!! How sad it is to have to say Welcome to the World and
Goodbye all in the matter of a week to a child you looked so forward
to meeting!!! I never cried as much as I did that week or as hard as
I have that week. I am balling as I write this!!! The past 2 years
have been so incredibly hard but we have gotten thru it. Craig and I
love each other so much we have helped each other out in our grief a
lot. I was so scared that we would split up after losing Mikey;You
hear about so many couples breaking up because they cant deal with
the heartbreak of losing a child. I am so happy and so proud to say
we have made it thru the loss of Mikey!! I am so proud of the both
of us!!!

So much as happened to us after Mikey's Death;I will skip thru most
of it. The most important thing is we made it thru it all. Not only
did we make thru that but we have a BEAUTIFUL GOREGOUS Baby Brother
for Mikey whom we named Anthony Michael. He was born December 16,
2004. With Tony's Pregnancy we found out a lot of things that
Mikey's doctor DID NOT do!!! An with that we will be filling a
lawsuit against him in the next 2 months. He should done a lot for
us when he found out I had gestional diabetes but he didn't. I had
GD with Tony too and I was at the hospital every week 1-2 times a
week being monitored and getting measurement ultrasounds to watch
how big Tony got. Tony was 9lbs 12oz and born 3 weeks early.

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